Mean/hurtful People



When people, family, friends, strangers say or do mean or hurtful things to you, remember this.  Hurt people hurt, healed people heal.

Perhaps you’ve heard “All attack is a cry for help.

They are in pain of some sort; & instead of processing & integrating their pain in a healthy beneficial way to transform it into an opportunity for gifts & blessings,– instead, they improperly even unconsciously and naively project their hurt on you to heal or relieve it.  It doesn’t work.

This often is like an emotional virus that they unknowingly try to spread to others.  Don’t let them do this to you! Show them love & compassion back.

Unaware people can catch the virus & react back in the same negative fashion & thus, the emotional virus starts to grow, expand & fester & sometimes spread to others.

This is a major problem we have in the world, that, simple education practice & example can help heal & resolve.

So we can learn & practice  instead, to spread a healing virus.

To work & play to be less of a person who unconsciously reacts quickly to negative remarks/behaviors , to one who practices consciously responding, using Compassion & Love.

We do this by learning to recognize & understand that we don’t take things personally because we realize and understand that people who are mean and hurtful don’t have the tools or understanding yet, to step back from their hurt, their perceived woundedness & learn to process it, heal it and integrate it’s blessings.  But we do.

Thus, we become the leaders, the teachers, the exemplars on how to respond.  Sometimes this is very difficult, especially when it’s close family members & friends.

Some peoples energy or character & personality for what ever reason, can sometimes create a negative charge within us.  If so, we do well, to look at why we are having that emotional charge & transform it.

When people say or do mean, hurtful, unkind, unfair things to us, they are the ones hurting!  So we can help bring clarity to people who are acting mean & hurtful by asking questions.

So have love & compassion on them, ask them:

“What’s hurting you so much that you have to hurt me to heal it?”

“What do you want or need so badly that you feel you have to hurt me to get it?”

“Is there a way I can help you to have that without giving up who I am?”

This can stop them from their anger & hurt & bring a new perspective from which to look at themselves, if they are willing.

If so, you can explore their hurt and how you and they can heal it or at least soothe it a bit, the interaction becomes a gift and blessing.

When we meet up with a mean, hurtful, person remember this, of which I had written in my spiritual note book,  something Neale Donald Walsch wrote:

“Greet each instance of hurt with compassion & love.”

“Compassion for the other persons lack of understanding (we have all been there at one time or another),  love for the other person’s humanness & their attempt–however apparently misguided–solve their dilemma & keep on trying to make life work.”

Be the example you’d like to see in others.

Was this article helpful? Did you like it?  You can comment below.

Confirmation from other spiritual teachers like Matt Kahn:

Today’s Moment of Acceptance:
“I accept that no one is trying to hurt me whenever hurtful words or cruel behavior come my way. I accept that unconsciousness occurs as a way for others to show me how deeply they suffer.

I further accept the unconsciousness of others does not require me to lash out and match their vibration, nor does it reflect back anything unconscious about me. Instead, I allow every act of unconsciousness to inspire a more conscious response, as I witness an unconscious world helping me evolve, at the rate in which I act out the very choices I’ve waited for others to embrace.

This doesn’t justify anyone’s unconscious behavior, or mean that I should put myself in situations that compromise my well-being. It allows me to go wherever my qualities and talents are celebrated, while acting upon my soul’s highest wisdom, as a way of energetically helping those who suffer to find their way home.”


When people are mean, show love back instead.

Related & of interest see: Compassion Exercise & The Bully Souloution


18 Responses to Mean/hurtful People

  1. Cheryl says:

    I have had an experience with a family member just recently. I just couldn’t let it go
    because of hurt. Thank you for reminding me that they are hurting, and crying out
    for help. I worked through it, and now I’m back on track. The timing of reading your
    post was perfect of course, as things always are.


  2. Marko says:

    I’m very happy to hear that Cheryl. It’s a very common problem in the world, one where there is a solution if we but act on it.
    Magical blessings,

  3. Shell says:

    Stumbled upon your website via Google and was so glad to have read this wonderful article — thank you! Am sending it to my daughter in college, who unfortunately has to deal with a hurtful roommate. =( God bless you!

  4. Marko says:

    Hi Shell, I’m glad it was helpful & you sent it to your daughter as well.

    I feel this is a healable problem if we but have the right tools, attitudinal perspective & receptivity. Be well & come back & pay another visit, lot’s of other fine articles that may be helpful on y/our wonderful journey in life.

    Magical blessings,

  5. Bonnie says:

    What if you respond with love and they continue to say mean things or laugh at you?

  6. Bonnie says:

    I did already what if I get laughed at if I respond with love?

    • Lauren says:

      Some people cannot be helped by a “quick fix” fo a few kind words. Remember to be discerning about the company you keep. For those mean people , why not just minimize your contact with them, and stick to good friends who don’t pull you down.

    • Marko says:

      Bonnie says”I did already what if I get laughed at if I respond with love?” I’d keep right on loving Bonnier & never fear the consequences of your loving energies, never.

      -Marko :Compassion & Love

  7. Marko says:

    Bonnie please read the Bully Soulution

    After that, let me know if you still have questions.

  8. joanne says:

    What do you do when the person is your son? He was hurt in Iraq and lives with us. He is on pain medication and uses illegally purchased drugs at times. Today he blew up at me and said many hurtful things. How do I get to the point I am not hurt. I don’t know how much more I can take. It has been 9 years. My husband suffers from severe depression and anxiety. what happens to them if something happens to me?

  9. Marko says:

    Dear Joanne, I’m so sorry for the pain for you and your family.

    The good news is there is hope. Your son sounds like he needs help with PTSD or post traumatic stress disorder. It would be very wise to get him help. Try

    Also, counseling for your husband & perhaps some medical help if that’s helpful.

    For yourself I would recommend spending time each day holding space for you, your son and husband in Light & Love. Trusting that, that Light & Love energy you visualize & meditate on will also benefit you and them.

    Finally I would have you check out the book by Neale Donald Walsch called “When Everything Changes, Change Everything.” On dealing with difficult change in your life. It has a site: that you can go to for free help as well.

    I hope this helps.


  10. sandra says:

    Marko, I have dealt with a certain lady in my building now for 10 years. She is mentally unstable and can be terribly vindictive. She has a need to know everyone’s business and just as an example, she once made an appointment to make an appointment with my Dr. and went in and began discussing me. When she did not get the response she wanted which I do not really know was she told me she did not like my doctor. Her pattern is usually always the same, she takes people gifts and drops them at the door and can be so, so, charming. She then begins to talk about somebody constantly and wants a response as to how you feel about this person. This can go on for hours. As you try to remove her she then moves on to her next victim and will say you said this and that and anything she can think of to start a war. She seems to thrive on this. She can be so vindictive and hurtful. Everyone in the building knows what she is like and tries all possible means to avoid her. You cannot even come through the front door without seeing her as well as listening to her bash down her next victim. I have tried these methods of seeing her more positively as I know she has had a rough past, although there is no excusing her behavior. As of recently she has decided she does not like my son, she even went as far as asking me if I had ever wished I had a girl instead. She hurt me very badly by this and these types of comments she makes are horrible. I do believe at this time as my mother is sick she rubes this in and only makes me feel worse. She does these types of things to everybody. I made the mistake several yrs. ago of giving her my phone number and she continually calls. The only time I get any peace is by ignoring her but this seems to be impossibe. Do you have any suggestions? praying and visualizing for people like this is a waste of energy I believe and this only creates negative energy consistently within ones mind. I as everyone else tries so hard to avoid her although I do wish positive things for her. She did recently have a very serious illness. Could you give me some of your thoughts on this woman? Thanks Marco

    • Marko says:

      Sandra, this message was pending (in a different location) for approval & I some how missed it. I’m so sorry, I just saw & approved this today 4/23/16

      I hope that if this reaches you, you can respond again & we can talk.
      Magical blessings,

  11. Marko says:

    This criminal psychologist explains in one sentence why murderers aren’t evil
    Business Insider By Chris Weller
    June 17, 2015 1:40 PM


    It’s easy, sometimes automatic, to think of murderers as forces of evil.

    But Loyola University psychologist James Garbarino, who has spent decades studying the minds of killers, offers a different, more patient, reading of their violent behavior.

    In a recent talk at Cornell University, he boiled it down to a single sentence:

    “Most of these killers are best understood as untreated, traumatized children who inhabit and control the minds, hearts, and bodies of adult men.”

    Garbarino was speaking in support of his new book “Listening to Killers: Lessons Learned from My Twenty Years as a Psychological Expert Witness in Murder Cases.”

    He explained the traumas of childhood are simply too much for most young brains to handle. By the time people reach their teenage years, a life of violence, poor education, and drugs — both in and out of the home — make for a devastating psychology.

    “A jury looks at them in the chair and thinks, ‘What a stone-cold killer this is,’ when in fact what they’re looking at is an untreated, traumatized child whose dissociation is how he survived,” he says. “And now it comes back to haunt him.”

    Garbarino represents a more sympathetic approach to criminal justice — one that’s starting to gain footing in the US.

    Last month, Chicago’s Cook County Jail, the second-largest in the country, announced it was hiring psychologist Nneka Jones Tapia as its new executive director. An estimated one-third of the jail’s inmates suffer from mental illness.

  12. Jo says:

    What about when it’s your boyfriend and you try in a calm loving way how much he hurt you and the reply you get hurts too because there is no love and compassion mainly anger.

  13. Marko says:

    Jo, I did not see your comment until now, usually I get an email sent when one comments.

    I would suggest getting some professional guidance in such matters a good social worker, psychologist etc. One whom you feel comfortable.

    Good luck!,

  14. Dot says:

    My sister lashes out at her closest relatives. For example, no matter what we say, she disagrees. If we like something, she will automatically not. It is at the point .we dont want to be around her. We are very sad about this.

  15. Marko says:

    Hi Dot, I am sorry to hear about your sister lashing out. I’m guessing your sister is in a lot of inner pain & so acts this out in a negative way.. She may not be in a space to admit her hurt. Or, simply has no spiritual tools to help her inner pain.

    You may even say to her “I can understand how you could feel this way.” This does not mean you approve of what she is saying, but it simply acknowledges that you are hearing what she is saying with out judgment or condemnation.

    Hope this helps.
    P.S. Love her anyway, as best you can & allow that love energy to transform the situation.

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